I'm off to see my mother this morning. It's been a couple of months. So much has happened since then. I can't wait to catch her up on some things I didn't feel like writing her about.
Yesterday, my Granny called to confirm that I was still going to take her today. She said that she had been trying to get down there for a while, but no one would take her. I promised her that I would.
My Granny has such a sarcastic sense of humor. Outsiders think it is so cute. Her offspring, on the other hand, finds it to be very annoying and obnoxious, yet rider-style hilarious. She told me that if I don't show up today, she was going to "hunt me down like a rabid dog and shoot me to put me out of my misery"! I thought to myself, "Wow, what a 'nice' thing to say to your granddaughter." LMBO!
Anyway, I'm off to see my dad's baby-momma. Another day with the two matriarchs of my maternal family. Once again, this will be an interesting day. Will update you all later. Wish me luck!
The Prisoner's Daughter
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Please, Don't Hurt My Mom!
So, I get a call today informing me that my mom needs $300 on her jpay acct TODAY, or some broad is gonna cause her great harm.I immediately started shaking. Something kept telling me not to answer the phone earlier when this person kept calling. I am not a morning person and really didn't need to start my day with my mom on the 3-way, frantically telling me this story.
I didn't even care why. I really didn't even want to know. But, I realized that the caller had been dealing with this all morning, while I was being the denial queen I am famous for being. I knew in my gut that she was calling with something bad. So, when I finally answered her call, I had to let her get it all off of her worried chest.
Then, it came down to the money itself. The caller had already sent $100. I only had $100 to send, which I put on her jpay account while we were still on the phone. She said that everyone else told her no, for one reason or another. I am trying to understand every one's point of view. But, the bottom line is, this is not extortion. She actually owes this woman money for something another family member promised to give her the money for. A necessity. Now, that person doesn't have the money. Understandable. So, we ALL need to pitch in. Even if you can only send $10. That's real talk!
Anyway! I don't have it in me to let this stress me out today. I have been making myself physically ill with my alcoholism, cigarettes and stress. As of this moment, I am giving this up to God. I made a decision this morning to check into rehab, ASAP. I cannot let this deter me from what I need to do to save my own life.
God will take this problem under his wing and handle it for us, because He knows I cannot. I need to save my strength for the journey I have ahead of me.
This is the life of The Prisoner's Daughter.
I didn't even care why. I really didn't even want to know. But, I realized that the caller had been dealing with this all morning, while I was being the denial queen I am famous for being. I knew in my gut that she was calling with something bad. So, when I finally answered her call, I had to let her get it all off of her worried chest.
Then, it came down to the money itself. The caller had already sent $100. I only had $100 to send, which I put on her jpay account while we were still on the phone. She said that everyone else told her no, for one reason or another. I am trying to understand every one's point of view. But, the bottom line is, this is not extortion. She actually owes this woman money for something another family member promised to give her the money for. A necessity. Now, that person doesn't have the money. Understandable. So, we ALL need to pitch in. Even if you can only send $10. That's real talk!
Anyway! I don't have it in me to let this stress me out today. I have been making myself physically ill with my alcoholism, cigarettes and stress. As of this moment, I am giving this up to God. I made a decision this morning to check into rehab, ASAP. I cannot let this deter me from what I need to do to save my own life.
God will take this problem under his wing and handle it for us, because He knows I cannot. I need to save my strength for the journey I have ahead of me.
This is the life of The Prisoner's Daughter.
Friday, April 8, 2011
She Wants to be a Grandmother
Every so often, I get a letter from my mom which contains a newspaper clipping or other information related to fertility. My mom has wanted to be a grandmother most of my adult life. Now that I am 40, she's going through a panic about me starting menopause recently.
I have always wanted children, all my life. I could never seem to be in a relationship that I felt was loving enough to bring a child into. So, I've pretty much put it off until now. But, having a family of my own is definitely still my biggest dream and daily prayer to God.
Now, things are complicated even more by the fact that I am in love with a man prison. (See my blog, "The Prisoner's Fiance" for details.) He still has a couple of years to go, while I continue to go through menopause. My mother truly fears that this choice may cause me to never be able to have children.
I've started researching the different fertility options that I may have. I am still researching and going through consultations, but it looks like I've pretty much made a decision. I plan to have my eggs frozen. That way, if all of my eggs are useless by the time my boo gets released, we will still have the option of using my frozen eggs to make our family.
Because he has been my best friend for two decades, he always knew there were some type of fertility issues for me. Now that we're in love, he is more than happy to go through whatever procedures we need to in order to have children together.
I guess the only question will be, "How many eggs do we use at one time"? Knowing my mother, she will say "Use them all"! But, Lord knows I don't want to be "Me & Him + 8" or "The New Octo-mom." LOL! LMBO!
I have always wanted children, all my life. I could never seem to be in a relationship that I felt was loving enough to bring a child into. So, I've pretty much put it off until now. But, having a family of my own is definitely still my biggest dream and daily prayer to God.
Now, things are complicated even more by the fact that I am in love with a man prison. (See my blog, "The Prisoner's Fiance" for details.) He still has a couple of years to go, while I continue to go through menopause. My mother truly fears that this choice may cause me to never be able to have children.
I've started researching the different fertility options that I may have. I am still researching and going through consultations, but it looks like I've pretty much made a decision. I plan to have my eggs frozen. That way, if all of my eggs are useless by the time my boo gets released, we will still have the option of using my frozen eggs to make our family.
Because he has been my best friend for two decades, he always knew there were some type of fertility issues for me. Now that we're in love, he is more than happy to go through whatever procedures we need to in order to have children together.
I guess the only question will be, "How many eggs do we use at one time"? Knowing my mother, she will say "Use them all"! But, Lord knows I don't want to be "Me & Him + 8" or "The New Octo-mom." LOL! LMBO!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
prisonersdaughter.general@blogger.com Did u know that 75% of all inmates in IN Pendleton prison r srvng life?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
FILED: "Ex Parte Motion to Correct Defendant's Presentence Custody Credits"
Recently, my mom sent me a copy of something she had, what appears to be, a jailhouse attorney write up for her. She had already filed it with the courts and was mailing me a copy so that I could join in praying over it with her. It was called an "Ex Parte Motion to Correct Defendant's Presentence Custody Credits."
Basically, when my mom finally got tired of fighting her case (3 yrs) and agreed to take a deal, somehow, they got her to "agree" to let them "keep" the 3 years she had already served. In essence, her time started the day she was sentenced. But, this person in jail helping her with her legal stuff found that this was unconstitutional and figured out the loopholes somehow.
The irony is that people inside have been telling her for a couple of years now that this can be corrected. So, she's been asking for out help, without success. It was just too much for any one person to deal with after we finally got settled down from the whole ordeal. And, we are not exactly a "come together" type of family. Which meant that she had to turn to someone in prison with her to help her with this legal issue.
Don't get me wrong. I've told you before that my entire family supports my mother. We all do what we can. That's what I requested in the beginning when people asked me what could they do to help. I simply told everyone, "Everyone has a part. Just figure what your part is, and do it." And, everyone has. But, there were major reasons why we could not help her with this request:
Supporting her means that she fights her own battles and I'm in her corner to root her on, bandage her up, give her water, pump her up, towel her sweaty face, etc... Enabling her means I push her out of the way and fight all the rounds for her. That is unhealthy for the both of us.
As of now, due to the research and diligence of her and her "Friend Inside", I am intrigued. I will be researching this subject, finding old cases, seeking affordable legal assistance, etc... I am just looking for someone to advise HER on steps SHE needs to take to move this along. She is finally fighting for herself again. She just needs me in her corner. I love my mother. I will support her through this!
Check out this cool video about how one man uses his love for music and dance to help change the lives of women in a maximum security prison. Prisoners at Maldon's Tarrengower Prison are the focus of a television choir program Jail Birds which was previously broadcast on TV ABC1.
Basically, when my mom finally got tired of fighting her case (3 yrs) and agreed to take a deal, somehow, they got her to "agree" to let them "keep" the 3 years she had already served. In essence, her time started the day she was sentenced. But, this person in jail helping her with her legal stuff found that this was unconstitutional and figured out the loopholes somehow.
The irony is that people inside have been telling her for a couple of years now that this can be corrected. So, she's been asking for out help, without success. It was just too much for any one person to deal with after we finally got settled down from the whole ordeal. And, we are not exactly a "come together" type of family. Which meant that she had to turn to someone in prison with her to help her with this legal issue.
Don't get me wrong. I've told you before that my entire family supports my mother. We all do what we can. That's what I requested in the beginning when people asked me what could they do to help. I simply told everyone, "Everyone has a part. Just figure what your part is, and do it." And, everyone has. But, there were major reasons why we could not help her with this request:
- Money. There are only two financially secure (rich) people in our family. The rest of us are all struggling to get back on top. Who has the money to invest in this? Attorneys were asking for $5,000 just to sit down and consult on this. And those two people help her financially as it is. It's too much to ask that they do this alone just because they have it.
- Faith. Those of us who are skeptics, didn't even believe it was possible for her to get that time back. We just assumed that since she agreed to it in court during her sentencing, it was etched in stone. We figured it was a losing battle that we did not have the strength to fight. And those that did believe, did not have the strength (or money) to fight the battle alone.
- Strength. I have to mention this one again. It took so much out of those of us who were so close to my mom to get through the three years of fighting, and the initial shock of her actually being in the pen. Once the dust settled, the crying finally stopped, and relationships with the sober her started to rebuild, most of us didn't have the strength to even think about starting a new fight. Personally, on the selfish tip, I just wanted her to do her time and let me try to put my life back together. I needed to work on ME for a while.
Supporting her means that she fights her own battles and I'm in her corner to root her on, bandage her up, give her water, pump her up, towel her sweaty face, etc... Enabling her means I push her out of the way and fight all the rounds for her. That is unhealthy for the both of us.
As of now, due to the research and diligence of her and her "Friend Inside", I am intrigued. I will be researching this subject, finding old cases, seeking affordable legal assistance, etc... I am just looking for someone to advise HER on steps SHE needs to take to move this along. She is finally fighting for herself again. She just needs me in her corner. I love my mother. I will support her through this!
Check out this cool video about how one man uses his love for music and dance to help change the lives of women in a maximum security prison. Prisoners at Maldon's Tarrengower Prison are the focus of a television choir program Jail Birds which was previously broadcast on TV ABC1.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
I Am a Codependent
It's amazing how some days can bring on such memories. Not having my mother here in my life makes even the good memories sad sometimes. Most days, I stay busy, so I stay strong. But, some days, it takes all I have to fight the tears and pain in my heart.
I spent so many years being my mom's parent because that's what she needed at the time. Now, when I see her in those prison blues, I realize she was always stronger than I gave her credit for. I was her enabler. And being an addict, she was all for it. As long as I was there to pick up the slack, she never really had a reason to get herself together and handle her own business.
According to wiseGEEK.com, "Most often the term enabler is associated with people who allow loved ones to behave in ways that are destructive... The term enabler is also part of the larger definition of codependency. Codependency at first arose as a definition of adaptive behaviors a person might make if he or she lives with someone with substance abuse or severe emotional problems. A codependent tends to remain so, because he or she adapts to or ignores the behaviors of the ill person. In fact, the codependent often becomes an enabler because it allows one to be involved in fewer conflicts."
That is the most accurate description of the relationship my mother and I had before she got clean in prison. After a tragedy like this, every loved one involved starts to question themselves, their role in the person's demise, and what they should or should not have done differently. Then, the self-guilt begins.
As I began to travel deeper into my spiritual journey, it became clear that I needed forgiveness to move on with my life. I needed to forgive my mother for her bad decisions. I needed my mother to forgive me for not being able to “save her” in time. I needed to forgive myself for being her enabler, her codependent.
I prayed on this for probably four or five years before I came to the conclusion that I would not be able to forgive myself until I figured out why… why was I so weak in this situation, when I am so strong any other time? In time, I figured it out. It was just as stated above, the codependent often becomes an enabler because it allows one to be involved in fewer conflicts.
That’s the bottom, selfish line. It was always easier to just “whatever.” It was easier to keep the peace than to fight for my mother’s life. That’s where I needed to forgive myself. Although codependents are enablers because they love the addict, it is still the easy way out. It makes the enabler’s life easier. But, it does nothing to truly help and save the life of the addict they love so much.
Now that I understand my decision to enable, and my reasons why, I can forgive myself and move on. I have grown spiritually over these years. God has given me the strength to not only learn how to put my love for myself first, but to endure all with strength, love and understanding.
I understand now, Mommy. You were never mad or disappointed in me. You were a practicing addict. And, your addiction didn’t love me. But, you did, you do, and you always will. I will love and support (but, not enable) you for the rest of our lives. I love you, Mommy!
I spent so many years being my mom's parent because that's what she needed at the time. Now, when I see her in those prison blues, I realize she was always stronger than I gave her credit for. I was her enabler. And being an addict, she was all for it. As long as I was there to pick up the slack, she never really had a reason to get herself together and handle her own business.
According to wiseGEEK.com, "Most often the term enabler is associated with people who allow loved ones to behave in ways that are destructive... The term enabler is also part of the larger definition of codependency. Codependency at first arose as a definition of adaptive behaviors a person might make if he or she lives with someone with substance abuse or severe emotional problems. A codependent tends to remain so, because he or she adapts to or ignores the behaviors of the ill person. In fact, the codependent often becomes an enabler because it allows one to be involved in fewer conflicts."
That is the most accurate description of the relationship my mother and I had before she got clean in prison. After a tragedy like this, every loved one involved starts to question themselves, their role in the person's demise, and what they should or should not have done differently. Then, the self-guilt begins.
As I began to travel deeper into my spiritual journey, it became clear that I needed forgiveness to move on with my life. I needed to forgive my mother for her bad decisions. I needed my mother to forgive me for not being able to “save her” in time. I needed to forgive myself for being her enabler, her codependent.
I prayed on this for probably four or five years before I came to the conclusion that I would not be able to forgive myself until I figured out why… why was I so weak in this situation, when I am so strong any other time? In time, I figured it out. It was just as stated above, the codependent often becomes an enabler because it allows one to be involved in fewer conflicts.
That’s the bottom, selfish line. It was always easier to just “whatever.” It was easier to keep the peace than to fight for my mother’s life. That’s where I needed to forgive myself. Although codependents are enablers because they love the addict, it is still the easy way out. It makes the enabler’s life easier. But, it does nothing to truly help and save the life of the addict they love so much.
Now that I understand my decision to enable, and my reasons why, I can forgive myself and move on. I have grown spiritually over these years. God has given me the strength to not only learn how to put my love for myself first, but to endure all with strength, love and understanding.
I understand now, Mommy. You were never mad or disappointed in me. You were a practicing addict. And, your addiction didn’t love me. But, you did, you do, and you always will. I will love and support (but, not enable) you for the rest of our lives. I love you, Mommy!
prisonersdaughter.general@blogger.com Haven't seen my mom in 2 wks. Hope she's not feeling neglected with this block on my
Thursday, February 3, 2011
prisonersdaughter.general@blogger.com Time for 1st quarter packages. Mom has sent her list a& 5 letters rushing me. Gonna
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Seven prison guards suspended after allegations of inmate abuse | ajc.com
Seven prison guards suspended after allegations of inmate abuse ajc.com
By Joel Anderson
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The Georgia Department of Corrections announced Friday that it was suspending seven prison guards with pay pending an investigation into allegations of inmate abuse at the Macon State Prison.
Read More
By Joel Anderson
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The Georgia Department of Corrections announced Friday that it was suspending seven prison guards with pay pending an investigation into allegations of inmate abuse at the Macon State Prison.
Read More
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